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Capricorn Employee

Look around the office and see if you can spot him. No fair sneaking a look at the birthdays in your personnel records. You can forget about that original, creative fellow with the bushy sideburns and the antler tooth necklace. You can also cross off the sport who brags about his pub cruising capers and his candlelight conquests. They’re not Saturn types.

Jolly George, who keeps the staff in a state of perpetual panic with his not-quite-practical jokes, definitely isn’t a Capricorn. How about that busy worker with the reserved manner who wears suspenders and parts his hair in the middle? The one with the quiet socks and a picture of his family in an ostrich leather frame on his desk. He usually comes in a few minutes early and leaves a few minutes late. His head is fastened firmly to his shoulders, and his pencil points are always sharp. The staff calls him “Sir,” salesmen call him “Mister,” and you call him when there’s trouble. Of course he’s a Capricorn.

Who else could you load up with a pile of work that would stagger a horse-but not a goat? He’s your depend­able safety valve when things get snarled and disorganized, and he comes through for you without making a big fuss about it. I doubt if he ever dashes into your office. He walks in, and he probably checks first to see if you’re busy. His clothes and manner are both conservative, and he’s the only one in the bunch who never gets caught with­out his umbrella when it rains. He won’t lose his brief case in the subway, or forget where he left his lunch. His lunch? Naturally. What else do you think he carries in that brown paper bag? Restaurants are expensive. Besides, he hates to tip and fight the crowds.

The last time you saw him flash a bright, toothpaste grin was when your secretary mentioned she didn’t know how the office could run without him. He’s not the grinning type. Or the foolish, frivolous type. He may tell quite a few jokes in his wry and dry way, or take a discreet peek at a pretty girl, but Saturn will never permit him to pull out all the stops. Most of the time, he minds his own business. The Capricorn is more inclined to frown sternly 00 the casual jollities of the gay extroverts than to join them, although his own brand of cynical humor can be hilarious. When he’s in form, it’s hard to top him.

You have to admit he has unique and valuable assets. Your Capricorn employee is the one you sic on the tough, suspicious Internal Revenue man. When the goat gets through with him, he’s not as suspicious and far less tough. He may even be courteous and respectful. It’s not everyone who can successfully intimidate a tax man. Remember that high pressure character who wanted to sell you several hundred dollars worth of perfumed typewriter? After two minutes with your Capricorn man, the poor soul was pressing the down button on the elevator, looking like a fallen souffle.

Somehow, you get the impression your Capricorn em­ployee is going to advance much higher in life, but it’s hard to figure how he conveys it. There’s nothing aggressive or openly ambitious about him. He’s not a flashy, ruthless climber. Let’s try that again. He’s not a flashy climber. In his own mild, inconspicuous way, the goat is coldly determined to get where he’s going. Those who prevent his steady progress or impose on him will soon find he’s no Casper Milquetoast. Hell accept his responsibilities without complaint or resentment, but he won’t be pushed too far. Capricoms with severe planetary afflictions in their natal birth charts can be astonishingly cruel and ruthless. But the average goat simply gives people a grumpy growl and a black look when they tweak his horns.

! Just in case you have one of the exceptions to the rule in your office, I’d better tell you about a Capricorn I knew who worked in a donut shop. He probably had a Leo ascendant or the Moon was in Gemini or Aries when he was born. This goat wore expensive, Italian shoes and big cuff links. He made more romantic conquests in a week than other men do in a lifetime-or said he did. He en­joyed telling off-color stories, and when he wasn’t flirting with the women customers or impressing everyone with his toughness, he tossed off some pretty big bubble schemes and way-out promotions. Most people would never peg him as a Capricorn, but they should look a little closer and listen more carefully.

For all his outrageous flirting, when he called his fiancee on the phone his tone was tender and protective. A man who dared to swear in her presence would never have tried it twice. He made it clear that she was a lady. In front of his parents, he was subdued and respectful. Anyone past fifty he treated with a courtesy bordering on reverence. With children, he was as gentle as Whistler’s mother. Powerful, famous people with status turned him into a humble, worshiping admirer. He was constantly telling friends and strangers that he once sat next to a glamorous movie actress on a plane or about the time he was invited to a reception at the Governor’s mansion. Everything he bought was wholesale, including those Italian shoes. He had the undisputed first prize as the tightest tipper in town. A dollar would never be spent where a dime could be saved. In other words, underneath that false bravado was a typical Saturn nature. This apparently aggressive, extroverted goat turned pink at a compliment and painfully shy in the presence of anyone he thought was upper register. If you need any more proof that he was a Capri­corn, he eventually bought the chain of donut shops. And by the way, he didn’t risk his own cash on those wild pro­motions. It was always somebody else’s.

The typical Capricorn employee is conscientious almost to a fault. If he makes a mistake or commits an error of judgment, he’s miserable. Falling down on his job de­presses him. He’ll come back to the office and work over­time if you need him, but he won’t like it if you make him miss dinner at home with his family too many nights. The goat prefers to tend to his domestic responsibilities first, and return later to the grindstone, if necessary. You won’t find him changing jobs often. The Capricorn decides early what the goal will be, and pursues it with unswerving per­sistence. He is not flighty or undecided about his future. The top of the mountain is never allowed to be obscured by the mist of fanciful dreams and sentimental wishing. Titles usually don’t move him. He’s not seeking glory. He’s after the real position of power: he wants to be the one who guards the fort while the individualists and great idealists are out chasing butterflies. He doesn’t need his name in gold letters on the door to feel important. But don’t fail to increase his area of responsibility at decent intervals, and make sure you pay him enough money so be can keep up with the Joneses. He has to live in the right neighborhood, send his children to the right schools, and his wife has to dress with more taste than her friends. That takes substantial lettuce. The goat will gladly chew on tough leather, pieces of steel and old light bulbs to earn his dessert of green paper lettuce, sprinkled with the caviar of social distinction. His banker may be his closest friend, next to the members of his immediate family.

Your female Capricorn employee follows the same path as the male up that mountain. Nothing sways her from her determination to seek a position of authority in the firm or marry the boss. It doesn’t matter a lot which it is. As long as she comes out ahead. This woman won’t wear two sets of false eyelashes or jangling bracelets to work and you’ll never catch her spinning daydreams at her desk. he lady goat is a Lady. She’ll rarely raise her voice or [ indulge in girlish gossip. There are more important things on her mind than who is having an affair with whom and what Emily said about Marilyn getting back late from lunch. After office hours, she may show a little more curiosity. The Saturn woman sometimes lives vicariously on the details of other people’s romances, but she usually won’t indulge herself in discussing them on the boss’s time. That’s logical enough. The boss may someday be her husband. In all fairness, there’s another reason. All goats S have a serious sense of duty, a respect for their superiors, I and an inner discipline which makes them abstain from office monkeyshines.

Your Capricorn employees of either sex will be business­like. They disapprove of people who are late to work, and who waste time in idle chitchat. They have no patience with methods that aren’t sound or procedures that lack common sense, and they’ll rearrange office systems to make sure the organization runs with sensible efficiency. Not all Capricoms are bankers, teachers and bookkeepers. They also make excellent researchers, extremely capable dentists, brilliant engineers and architects, and they’re clever at merchandising, manufacturing and politics. Many goats are jewelers, ministers, hotel managers, funeral directors, art dealers or anthropologists, but whatever the occupation, they’ll be serious about it.

Don’t forget that there’s a creative side to Satum peo­ple. Your Capricorn employee may have a hobby that could surprise you. He could be a Sunday artist, and a very good one, too. He could be a weekend musician, dabble in sculpture, sell real estate, apply his green thumb to a garden, sing in a choir or belong to a drama class. Culture is close to his heart. So is Mother Earth. His real loves are his family, his home, his work, money, prestige, books, art and music in just about that order. Get an Aries, Leo, Gemini or Sagittarius employee to travel for your firm. Most Capricoms break out in a nervous rash at the sight of a suitcase. Even if it’s not quite that bad, they’ll be happier catching a commuter train than catching a jet. Anyway, who would keep things nailed down while he’s away? Remember what happened when he took his vaca­tion last summer. Someone in the office went ahead and ordered four dozen of those perfumed typewriter ribbons in the rhinestone studded boxes.

Linda Goodman

Aries Employee

A job interview with a prospective Aries employee, if he’s a typical ram, might run something like this:

EMPLOYER: I see from your resume and references that you’ve been with six different firms in the past two years, Mr. Bootsikaris.

ARIES: Call me Charlie, Mr. Flaxman. Yes, I believe in trying to advance myself. When you outgrow a job, what’s the point of staying in a position where there’s nothing more you can learn and nothing more you can contribute to the company?

EMPLOYER: That’s just what bothers me, Char-uh, Mr. Bootsikaris. I’m afraid you may outgrow us in a short ‘ time, also, after we’ve spent the money to train you.

ARIES: I thought that might concern you. But you don’t have to worry. I’ve investigated your company, and I’m sure I wouldn’t feel restless, because I can see there’s plenty of opportunity with you for anyone who really tries. I’ve always wanted to work with a really great, cre­ative and progressive management. They’re so rare that I’d rather wait ’til there’s an opening here than go anywhere else.

Needless to say, the boss who can overcome his initial shock at such an unusual interview is likely to hire the Aries on the spot. That kind of sincere enthusiasm for the • company is hard to come by in these days of security; minded and union-conscious employees-never mind the [ abruptness and the superego.

Hiring an Aries can be the smartest move you ever made or the largest headache you’ve ever known, depending on , how you aim this combustible, misguided missile. Aiming I him toward a routine, nine-to-five job is the wrong direction. In the beginning, he may shine like a silver dollar to impress you, but it won’t be long before he’s restless and unhappy. And he’ll let you know it in unmistakable ways, like coming in a little later each day, taking extra time for lunch, or writing personal letters at his desk. These are all danger signals that your Aries employee is not satisfied. He’s still extremely valuable to your firm, but he’s bored, and when the ram gets bored, his virtues are quickly buried under his shortcomings.

Put your Aries worker in a position where he has com­plete freedom to make decisions, answerable if possible, only to you. If you can do it without hurting office morale, allow him to come to work at odd hours. After a short period you’ll notice that, although he may appear as late as ten or eleven in the morning, or take two hours for lunch, hell also be the very last one to leave at night, especially a if there’s extra work to get out. He’s more likely than any of your other employees to accept additional assignments as a challenge, without complaining.

Many an. Aries will labor until the wee small hours, if it’s necessary, or if there’s an exciting project under way, and probably be more familiar to the nightly cleaning woman than to the early morning switchboard receptionist. You won’t find him getting edgy or peeking at the clock around five o’clock, so why should you be fussy if it’s twenty minutes past ten when he arrives in the morning? That’s his reasoning, and there’s a certain logic in it.

The Arien is constitutionally unable to keep to a tight and uniform schedule, regardless of standard office pro­cedure. His great, creative energy comes on him at all hours, and it can’t be adjusted to fit someone’s idea of the proper working day. He may ask to leave early some afternoon for pressing personal reasons, but hell come back later the same night to bum the midnight oil, or pop in before the birdies chirp the following morning to make up the work he’s missed. One thing Aries can’t stand is to turn in work which is less perfect than he knows he can do. Despite his carelessness with detail and his dis­dain of normal office routine, that quality is too good to miss. It’s worth putting up with the Mars independence to take advantage of his wonderful determination to suc­ceed, which will obviously benefit your company, if you’re astute enough and patient enough to utilize it properly.

Money is never his prime reason for working. He will insist on being paid what he’s worth (what he thinks he’s worth) for the sake of ego and status, but money is never his main objective. He’s motivated by success, and cash is always secondary. He may frequently ask to borrow money, because the ram usually lives beyond his income. Still, an extra pat on the back will often get more out of him than an extra five dollars a week in his pay envelope. Of course, you may have to tame his natural desire to take over everyone else’s department, since he’s bursting with ideas of how everyone in the firm could get where they’re going faster, including you. But if you can learn not to take offense at his frequent and impertinent suggestions, you’ll find a bonus of original and profitable thoughts.

Always put Aries in the action job, in a position where he can get out and promote the firm and mix with people. Never put him behind a desk where he has to do the same thing day after day under the scrutiny of another employee. Aries will take orders willingly from very few people, since he believes very few people are superior to him. He undoubtedly thinks you are, or he wouldn’t have gotten mixed up with you in the first place. Once he’s sure you understand and appreciate his efforts, he’ll probably be the most loyal, hard-working and competent employee on your payroll. But put him in an inferior position and he’ll be reluctant to make any but the most perfunctory effort.

Naturally, he can’t always start at the top, though he’d like to. If he must begin at the bottom and learn a new trade or profession, try to add some kind of important-sounding responsibility to his daily duties, so he’ll at least think he’s at the top. It allows him to save face with him­self. To bring out his best, he needs to feel that the place couldn’t run without him. The ram is a natural promoter. He’ll promote your business to his wife and friends enthusi­astically, to cab drivers, waiters and anyone else who will listen-at the movies, in the swimming pool-and not just during the hours he’s being paid to do so. He’ll turn every­one from his broker to his insurance man into a booster for your firm. Few people (except Leos) can equal him in bringing in new accounts, saving customers you thought were hopelessly lost and putting over the largest, most ambitious schemes you can devise-especially when he thinks you’re depending on him to come through.

If there’s ever any kind of financial trouble, your Aries employee is not one to desert a sinking ship. He’ll stick with you through the crisis, and possibly add a few ideas of his own about how to solve it. The Arien is literally unable to conceive that anything or anyone he believes in, including himself, can fail. Obviously, such a trait can be mighty welcome some black day.

Ask this employee to work on weekends or holidays, take a temporary cut in salary during an emergency or perform someone else’s job in addition to his own in case of illness or vacation, and he’ll seldom complain. Just be sure you thank him warmly and let him know you honestly appreciate it. There’s little he won’t do to get enthusiastic approval from you. Never give someone else credit for work he’s done, never make him feel guilty about being late, don’t compliment others too often when he’s around, don’t harp on his mistakes-especially in front of other people-and never give him the impression you wish he’d stay in his place. Otherwise, he’ll be irritable, frustrated and lazy. You won’t have to fire him. He’ll most likely quit before you get around to it. It’s usually not necessary to scold the ram, anyway. He’ll be the first to apologize for errors he’s committed through his natural haste and impulsiveness, if he’s met halfway, and he’ll sincerely try not to repeat them. Even if he’s not always successful in that attempt, his intentions are admirable. You may want to train him tactfully and privately not to be so rash and over-confident, but never break his spirit. If you try, you’ll fail, and the attempt will just lose you all that refreshing and valuable optimism.

When you recognize his talents, Aries will literally knock himself out to top himself. Criticism will never accomplish its intended purpose with him. Besides, he’s more often right than wrong with his hunches, no matter what some of the experts who have been around for years might think. Aries has an uncanny ability to understand today with a clarity not possessed either by those who cling to yesterday or those who pin all their hopes on tomorrow. So it pays to listen to him, even though his eagerness and his sureness that he’s right makes him drop his manners now and then, with a loud and unpleasant thud.

As soon as you can, give him a raise or a title to let him know he’s doing well and that you’re pleased, and by all means, as quickly as you can, let him either work alone or lead others. Let him feel he’s your personal associate. It’s imperative that those dealing with an Aries in any working or professional capacity realize that he will pour out an amazing number of valuable contributions to the project at hand only if he feels that, in some way, he’s important. When his excitement and his idealism are dampened, he quickly loses interest, becomes disheartened and stands back to let others take over-glum and miserable-an unnecessary waste of rare and useful talent. Unless the ram is allowed to promote, create and originate, he’s no use to himself or anyone else. Logic and kindness will reach him every time.

Because he’s a natural innovator and leader, Aries is at home in almost any career or profession. There are no special places where he thrives best. Whether it’s a green­house or a police station-whether he wears a fireman’s hat or a surgeon’s mask-he must be in charge. The fields of advertising and public relations attract him, since they give him a chance to promote, and he takes to selling like a duck takes to water. But you can place him in any job, from teaching to trucking-from broadcasting to building -and he’ll fit right into the slot, if the slot is wide enough to take up his excess energy and ego.

You may run across a ram who hides his drive under a calmer, more controlled manner, but don’t kid yourself into thinking you can push him into the corner. That’s for little Jack Horner, not him. His place is in front avantgarde. Channel his abilities and he’ll make a heap of money for you, as well as give you unswerving, unquestioned loyalty-especially when the chips are down. If you do a little comparative shopping around, you’ll find those virtues are cheap at half the price.

“I shall sit here” he said, “on and off, for days and days.”

Linda Goodman

Pisces Employee

The abilities of the Piscean employee depend entirely on which pond he swims in. He can be such a miserable misfit in an incompatible occupation or career that he drifts from one place to another, until he eventually realizes that he’s better off going it alone with his own dreams for company.

To work successfully with other people or be part of a team, the fish must be doing something that doesn’t offend his sensitivity. It has to be a position that gives him the opportunity to utilize his unsurpassed understanding of human suffering, or that allows him to channel his unique imagination toward a progressive path. A job that fails to supply one or both of these deep-seated Neptune needs will create a lazy, disinterested, not to mention disheartened employee. When his needs are satisfied, however, he can be a gem of a worker, often one-of-a-kind in his field- difficult, if not impossible, to replace. There’s a side to the fish that allows him to surprise you with his painstaking attention to detail, when he’s in the mood. It seems to be totally inconsistent with his obvious mystical bent, but these people were born under the Sun sign that encom­passes the qualities of all other signs. It can be the “dust bin of the zodiac,” as it’s often called in astrology, or the turning path to shining glory. The glory needn’t be achieved hanging from a star. It can be realized in a quiet way, right in your office, if the fish is happy and content with what he’s doing.

The most common remark heard around an office where there’s a Pisces employee is, “I can’t understand him.

What’s he up to?” They may never know. The Piscean man or woman is compelled, possibly by inner doubt and confusion, to disguise motives and keep his true aims hidden. If the fish revealed his entire nature it would startle or shock most people, so he keeps his counsel. All the chattering of the occasional talkative Pisces is deceptive. It still won’t reveal what he really thinks, even if he talks all night, as some of them do. The quiet ones can also drive you wild by keeping their most interesting thoughts and ideas a secret. You never know what’s going on inside those dreamy Neptune heads.

He’ll work with a terrific sense of duty if he’s happy with his job. When he’s not happy, he withdraws. Only his body is there. Eventually it will also disappear, leaving only the memory of his grin and his wise eyes. It’s not easy to keep this slippery employee peaceful. When the water gets stagnant, he swims away before you have a chance to filter the pool, and that can be frustrating. If he would be more open about his true desires, compromise might be reached, but too often the fish chooses abrupt change to long, honest discussion that might turn things rightside up again.

There’s no doubt that the Pisces man or woman is more often found in the world of the arts, but the term can cover more than you might suppose. Pisces is happy adjusting the lights in a theater, hanging canvases in museums, stitching the lace on doll dresses, polishing the’ brass of musical instruments or designing the cover of a book. He or she can spend hours blissfully teaching tots to dance, blowing up balloons for a party, arranging flowers, planning a poster advertising campaign, engrossed in creative writing, or experimenting with unusual hair styles. Now and then you’ll find a Piscean engaged in a mechanical occupation relating to mathematics, engineer­ing or computing, but he will always attack such subjects from the abstract point of view.

Pisces people make excellent teachers, with uncanny insight into the natures of their students and a deep grasp of the subject they teach. They seem to have a special knack for both preparing and merchandising food and drink, either serving it in posh restaurants or supervising the operation with social grace.

If your business concerns medicine, hospitals or pharmaceuticals, the Pisces employee is probably your right arm. No one makes a finer nurse or servant to the sick. They’re right at home with drugs and medicines, too. Un­fortunately, however, the Piscean receptivity can cause them to saturate themselves in their surroundings, with occasional adverse effects on their own mental, emotional and physical health. If Pisces controls his instinct for in­stant empathy, he can be a shining light in the field of health. Needless to say, social work is also a Pisces oc­cupation, and you’ll find lots of Neptunes efficiently dispensing welfare to unfortunate humanity.

The fish takes on the color of his surroundings. If you shut your Pisces employee in a small cubicle with drab furnishings, bare floors and drapeless windows, he’ll begin to look like the office itself. You’ll look up one day and there he’ll be-an exact imitation of his immediate working world. His conversation will be drab, his ideas bare and dull. As you stare at this listless, plain, cold and colorless creature with nondescript clothing and a mousy personality, you’ll wonder what happened to that person you hired who was bright, sunny and full of fresh imagination, whose conversation was rich and sparkling and who wore vivid, cheerful clothes. Believe me, such a Neptunian transforma­tion is easier to remedy than other personnel problems.. Just hang some gay green drapes in his office, cover the floor with soft emerald carpeting, and plunk a vase of happy daisies on his desk. Pipe in some soft, low music, smile at him once an hour on the hour, and the fish you hired will reappear in his true colors. The Piscean per­sonality is elusive, but it’s amazingly easy to reel it in when you use the right bait.

Your Pisces secretary may be a little sloppy at home, but she’ll probably be neat at the office. She’ll daydream on her own time and try to be methodical during working hours. Of course, there are exceptions, when her mind can wander in odd directions. There’s a Pisces girl I used to work with in a radio station who had the most peculiar filing system. I don’t think it was permanent. It may have had something to do with the fact that her mind was on a novel she was writing on weekends. One day the boss asked her why the drawer in the filing cabinet marked “L” was so full it was always popping open and cracking him on the shin. Her answer was unexpected, to say the last. “Because of all those letters,” she informed him efficiently.

After she left to peddle her novel in New York, the filing problems became really tangled for a spell. The first week she was gone, one of the announcers needed a music theme for a Notre Dame football game. Rushing over to the record file, he hurriedly checked under N for Notre Dame. (He was looking for the song that goes, “Cheer, cheer, for old Notre Dame” . . .) Not finding it under N, he checked the letter C, thinking perhaps she had filed it under the lyric. It wasn’t there, either. Perspiring ner­vously, for it was now one minute to game time, he realized she might have tucked it away under the title, “Victory March.” He flipped open the file. No such luck. The game went on the air sans music that day. Weeks later, the record turned up. The Pisces had filed it under P. Why? You can’t guess? For “Fighting Irish,” of course. It was perfectly logical to her. That’s how every­body referred to the team in the office pool. Well, it does make some sense.

The average female fish will be a little more con­ventional. She’ll be gentle and considerate, and get along beautifully with the other members of your staff. She may even be a sort of den mother, if you can call the office a den. The other employees will go to her with all their troubles, minor and major. You may cry on her shoulder yourself on occasion, she’s such a sympathetic listener. This girl may read the cards for fun (though she’ll secretly take it seriously), and it’s a cinch she’ll be able to read your mind-so be careful what you’re thinking when she passes your desk.

An occasional Pisces employee can be fussy or critical, but they usually won’t be energetic enough about it to be really annoying. These people need nearly as many com­pliments as Aries and Leo to feel secure, but be sure you’re sincere, because they’ll sense it quickly if you’re not. If you have reason to scold a Pisces, you may wonder where the fish went for a day or so. He didn’t leave. Not yet. There he is, hiding behind the outgoing mail basket on his desk, trying to pretend he’s invisible by not speaking, barely moving and hardly breathing. He has been hurt, and you’ll have to do something very sweet and lovely to make him brighten. The fish is ultra sensitive, remember. When your mood changes, so will his. Pisces has a way of cutting himself off from others when situations become painful. He seeks the sunlight and rosy, beautiful emotions. When gray or black appears, he dives down deep to escape. A thoughtless word can make him weep inside, although he’ll probably tell a joke to disguise it. Pisces has a way with a clever line, and his humor, though it’s not ever obvious, is seldom faraway.

Money won’t mean a lot to your Pisces employee. He’ll talk a good salary and bonus, but he’ll hardly notice if he has to take a temporary cut in pay when business is slow (unless he has a large family to feed). Actually, many Pisces men and women are happy with a reasonable wage, as long as you’re open-minded about loans. The fish will often approach you with empty pockets and a big smile a day or so before payday, and charmingly ask for a light touch to see him through. He may forget to pay it back unless you remind him. His intentions are honest, but there’s always something extra he needs. The chances are just as good he gave it to someone else. Money ordinarily passes through Pisces like water through a sieve. He’s sort of a middle man for cash. He’ll borrow a hundred from you, then turn around and hand it to a man whose wife needs an operation. As neglectful as Pisces may be to repay your loan to him, he’ll happily give you his last dime if you’re temporarily short, and he probably won’t be in any more of a hurry to get it back than he was to return the hundred he got from you earlier. In fact, it sometimes gets so confusing you may forget who owes what to whom. That’s the way the typical Pisces sees the whole monetary setup anyway. In a hazy way, he feels money was created to spread around. When a person needs it, the cash should be there. When you don’t need it, you pass it on. It’s a kind of bread-cast-on the-waters theory. It works surprisingly often for the fish, but such Neptune philosophy can bewilder other Sun signs. (Of course, a Virgo, Cancer or Capricorn ascendant, or perhaps an Aquarius or Taurus Moon can spoil all the fun.)

More Pisces employees quit than are fired. They’re too elusive and too shrewd about human nature to wait for the painful hook. Sensing your displeasure in advance, the fish will wriggle away before you get a chance to embarrass him. You’ll find the single Piscean man less apt to leave a job lightly than the married one, whose wife probably works. ,In fact, her willingness to work if necessary may have been one of her main attractions, though romantic love was probably equally important. The girl fish may only be marking time until some man comes along to rescue her from repulsive competition, unless she’s in­volved in a creative endeavor she thinks of as a career.

There’s little danger the Pisces employee is after your job. He probably secretly pities you for the responsibilities you carry. After all, it’s tough to move around with burdens on your back, and Pisces seeks a changing scene. The length of time he brightens your office will depend on the variety of changes it offers his wandering nature. When the snails begin to bore him, or when the whales and sharks threaten to devour him, he’ll glide away. The Neptune employee will never get stuck in a bunch of seaweed.

Linda Goodman

Aquarius Employee

You shouldn’t have any trouble spotting your Aquarian em­ployee. He’s the one with all the friends. You know, the one who forgot his brief case this morning-the same man who casually dropped in your office last month to borrow your fountain pen and left behind a production idea which has saved your company $30,000 in overtime so far, ac­cording to the latest check by the auditor.

It should also be a snap to remember the day you hired him. He’s that fellow you thought came in to sell you a box at Yankee Stadium-then you decided he was soliciting funds for Shakespeare-in-the-Park, finally figured he was taking one of those political polls-and didn’t realize until after he left that he had actually stopped by to apply for a job. If you don’t remember him, it’s five-to-one your secretary does. Aquarius men seem to make an instant and lasting impression on women, even those who look like neglected, underfed puppy dogs with figures loosely resembling Ichabod Crane’s. Some people might jump to the hasty conclusion this is the mother-instinct, but they would be wrong. The real Uranus attraction for females is the Aquarian’s absolute indifference to their existence. It drives them to distraction. He’s a challenge they can’t resist-so they either retaliate by trying to vamp him or by snubbing him back, neither of which makes the slightest impression on your Aquarian employee. He can be totally blind to a female co-worker for weeks, literally not seeing her, then one fine spring morning suddenly startle her with the information that her eyes are the exact shade of a robin’s egg he once found in a tree, and she’s gone. I mean, completely lost. She may not type a word the rest of the day.

Life with an Aquarian employee can be exhilarating and leave you a little breathless. It’s not that they’re extroverts or flamboyant or practical jokers. Quite the reverse. Many Aquarians are sober, cool, aloof and removed from the mad world around them. The only trouble is that they’ve removed themselves fifty years ahead, and when they rocket back to the present every few days or so, they’ve bagged some unusual ideas from the stratosphere. If you’re a smart boss, you’ll invite the Uranus man to your office for a chat once a week. It could be profitable. Who knows what you might pick up? When he tells you in the proper tech­nical language exactly what’s wrong with that loose screw under the fourth bolt in the new machine that keeps breaking down, you may start to wonder if he has been to Mars and back since you saw him on the elevator yester­day. Especially after you check personnel records and see that he didn’t take a course in science or mechanics at college. Still, the informal conference with him may not always turn out so profitably. He may leave after that little confidential talk with your check for a few thousand dollars for the preservation of Basketball on Indian Reser­vations-or the Research Society for Investigating Psychic Phenomena in Smyrna. The Aquarian interests are world­wide.

Chances are this seemingly quiet, brilliant and friendly young man won’t stay around long enough for you to re­member his face. The Aquarian male will either begin at the top, work his way up there in a few weeks, decide to go it alone as a composer, photographer, ornithologist, dancer, singer, clown, writer, juggler, athlete, geologist, radio or TV announcer, etc.-or leave you to drift from job to job “looking for himself.” Someday he’ll find him­self, too. When he does, he usually stays in one place for a lifetime. Until that moment of truth, however, our Uranus-ruled friends spend a period of time just roaming around, experimenting, learning, looking, investigating, and picking up new friends.

He’s not sentimental by nature. He has a scientific atti­tude, but there’s also a strong interest in people, what makes them laugh and what makes them cry. An Aquarian does not lean toward emotionalism (except rarely when he’s in the clutch of an eccentric rush of behavior, perhaps a reaction to some very disturbing personal experience). Unfortunately, his ideas and opinions are often considered irrational and impractical, but that’s just because his critics aren’t tuned to his frequency-half a century ahead. Imagine how your grandmother felt when some Aquarian back in the nineties tried to describe color television and astronauts landing on the moon. That gives you a fair idea of the reception Uranus-ruled people get today when they start in on their theory of a time machine, and how it could be designed with safety valves so a defective switch won’t get you lost somewhere in 1770.

You may notice the Aquarian employee with a different friend each week or so. It’s difficult for him to be satisfied with any one individual at a time, since his sympathies run into so many channels. It’s common for him, therefore, to give more friendship than he receives.

The first thing you may have to do is decide which kind of Aquarian you have employed. There’s only one basic Uranus type-but there are two ways in which the Aquarian nature can manifest itself. The first kind is the suave, pipe-smoking professor type, with a relaxed manner and not a few eccentric habits, who lives in an elegant but curious apartment full of Egyptian mummies, a tree from India planted in the center of the room, bells from Sumatra, 16th Century tables and early American rockets, plus a mod painting or two and maybe an old airplane propeller hanging over the fireplace. He dines on gourmet foods like roasted grasshoppers and steak tartar with ants’ eggs sprin­kled on top. He’s usually brilliant.

The other kind lives in a tiny room over the subway, eats mustard sandwiches and watches his favorite TV show on the first set ever manufactured. He scatters his inventions all over the corner table, picks out tunes on a dusty piano, and washes the dishes once a week. He is also brilliant. The trouble is, when you get them both out in normal society, it’s hard to tell the difference.

Both are conscientious workers. Both have a high degree of intelligence, as well as uncanny perception and a fine sensitivity to everyone around them. They each soak up knowledge while appearing to be engrossed in some abstract theory. Their memories are weak but their intuitive powers more than make up for it. They’re extremely odd in their habits, kind and sympathetic, usually very courteous, and they wear unusual combinations of clothing. They’re each loyal, honest and have a strict code which is never violated. ;

Both are bachelors, and they number about five thousand good friends each, ranging from Leonard Bernstein and Joe Namath to Scarface Al and Minnie, the apple lady who’ takes numbers. So you see? An Aquarian is an Aquarian. A pipe, a mustard sandwich or a couple of Egyptian mum­mies between a couple of lotus trees have nothing at all to do with it.

You can be safe in assuming your Aquarian worker is giving you a full day’s work for his pay. Although he’s probably the real cause of your secretary’s severe skin rash her doctor can’t diagnose or cure, he may end up on the front page of The New York Times someday, being pre­sented with a plaque or something and you can say “I knew him when.” He can also contribute some pretty sane, con­crete thinking to your firm which will possibly even result in bringing it up to the Twentieth Century. He’s utterly trustworthy with company secrets, and probably the best customer’s man -you can find, because he’ll make friends with your coldest client and wonder why everyone thought he was so tough to deal with. To the Aquarian, he’s just another human with some intriguing aspect to his per­sonality to be uncovered with a few polite, direct questions and a little observation.

This employee isn’t likely to nudge you constantly for a raise, because money is usually down there on the bottom of his list, along with women. But he’s shrewd enough to know his worth, and it wouldn’t be wise to take advantage of him. He may cause some raised eyebrows, but he’ll seldom cause any scandal or petty office gossip. You won’t find him filled with much intense, driving ambition, yet he has one of the finest minds in the zodiac. If you should decide he knows enough to make him your partner, he’ll never steal the business from you-and he can be a most decided asset, possibly even bring worldwide prestige to the firm someday.

When he does eventually decide to get married, you may lose a good secretary (he won’t want his wife to work), but you want the poor girl’s skin rash to clear up, don’t you?

Linda Goodman

Scorpio Employee

Offhand, who would you say is the one person in your office who is the most self-contained? Which employee seems to have the most inner confidence, without being obvious about it, the steadiest eyes, the least excuses and the most poise? If there’s someone on the staff with those qualities, does he give you the feeling he can take a com­pliment or leave it alone? Is he secretive about his personal life? Does he have a master plan for his future? Assuming all this is true, one more question: are the other employees a little afraid of him? There’s no doubt about it. He’s a Scorpio.

More than anyone else with your firm, the Scorpio em­ployee is the master of his fate and the captain of his soul. He’s entirely self-motivated and single-minded. No one else can be so resourceful and so sure of his own potential The Scorpio has the power to make or break his own life, and he knows it. He never lies to himself, and rarely blames anyone but himself for his own mistakes. To what­ever degree he chooses, this employee can rise, and hell expect few favors on the way up. He’s the very last person you’d accuse of having an inferiority complex. (Unless he happens to be a gray lizard who has turned power in­side out into silent defeat. Even so, it was his decision alone to do so. He was not a pawn of fate.)

It won’t be easy to comprehend the reasons behind his actions. You’ve heard about the ruthlessness of this Sun sign, his desire for revenge, the Pluto determination to even the score, and it may puzzle you that these qualities seem to be missing in his relationship with you. They’re not missing. They’ve been put on ice for the present, be­cause the end justifies the means in his one-track, keen mind. He knows exactly what he’s doing, but you may not.

Your Scorpio employee’s reaction to you will relate di­rectly to what you can offer him-what he wants from you and from life. If the average person opposes the Scorpio, insults him, treats him rudely, breaks a promise or steps on his tail, may the gods have mercy on him. He will rue the day he challenged Pluto. However, if you represent power and the fulfillment of his private dream, his reaction to the same treatment will be detachment. If you have something Scorpio wants and needs, he’ll take al­most anything from you with deliberate tranquility, and with-believe it or not-no retaliation or defensive sting­ing. The very fact that he’s able to control his deep re­sentment and literally erase it from his mind is proof of his awesome inner strength.

Before you test the theory, make sure you know into which category you fall-the average person-which can include ordinary bosses, friends, neighbors, co-workers, servants, even relatives and loved ones-or someone who represents power, security and that private dream. Unless you’re positive you fit the latter description, it may be dangerous to experiment.

Let’s say you’re a TV producer, and you’ve commis­sioned a Scorpio writer to create a script, tailored to certain specifications. After the fourth re-write, you can still tear his efforts to shreds and demand that he try again. You can say, “It stinks. Put more jokes in.” What will the dangerous Scorpio do? He’ll write another draft and put more jokes in. You have something he wants, you see. You have the power to produce his script on film and make it live. He may not agree with you completely from an artistic point of view, but you’re the boss. You’re the one who calls the shots-at the present. Later, when he’s a success? You won’t have to nervously wonder when he’ll seek revenge for the past. That’s not part of the Pluto code. You have given him power and you were the in­strument to fulfill his private dream. He holds no bitter­ness, but he’ll make it clear his position is now changed and you’re not to question his artistic taste or dictate how he expresses his creative ideas in the future. You’ll get the message, and that will be that. Anyone other than you who criticized his earlier efforts, however, without regard for his sensitive pride, may have a few scars to show.

If there’s one thing a Scorpio knows, it’s on which side his bread is buttered, and who owns the marmalade. He’s absolutely certain he will reach his goals eventually. There­fore, he’s in no rush to knock down any brick buildings. Nor is he ashamed to submit to his superiors when it’s expedient to do so. That’s why your Scorpio employee is fearless. Confidence always breeds courage. To him, every­thing is timing. With some sort of deep, mystical penetra­tion into the secrets of the universe, he knows when his time will come. This is not the hour to command, but the hour will arrive. No wonder he’s not the anxious type.

I know a young Scorpio lawyer, who recently became as­sociated with an important law firm, loaded with prestige and lucrative clients. His superior (and I’ll use an anon­ymous name), Mr. Fink of Fink, Brink, Link and Katz, asked him to prepare a lengthy memorandum for a cor­porate merger. The request meant that the Scorpio lawyer would get no sleep at all, because Mr. Fink insisted he needed the papers for a conference at ten sharp the follow­ing morning. The next day, our hero was at his desk at nine a.m., alert, calm, and waiting for Mr. Fink to buzz him. He had stayed up all night completing the necessary briefs, and his wife wasn’t too happy because he had to cancel the dinner reservations he had made earlier in the week to celebrate their anniversary. At nine forty-five his boss’s secretary apologetically informed him that Mr. Fink had changed his mind. He had decided to hold the con­ference the following week. It was such lovely spring weather, he thought he’d play a few holes of golf with some clients from out of town. She murmured that her boss had said something about “hoping it didn’t cause him too much inconvenience.” You may suppose that, at this point, the Scorpio reached into his desk for a .45 automatic and headed for the golf course. But that’s not the way the cookie crumbled. How did the Scorpio react to such boorish behavior? He simply shrugged. He smiled a cool, mysterious controlled smile, handed the secretary the finished memorandum, and said courteously, “Will you put this on Mr. Fink’s desk please? I am going home to get a few hours sleep. I’ll be back in time for my two o’clock appointment.” Then, with the patience of Taurus and the discipline of Capricorn, he called his wife, told her he would be home for lunch and left. Moral: That Scorpio lawyer is aiming for a partnership at Fink, Brink, Link and Katz. Are you wondering if his wife had his lunch ready on time, after her disappointment the night before? Of course she had his lunch ready on time. The wife of a Scorpio? If she wanted to have any more an­niversaries to celebrate, she did. She’s not his boss. Mr. Fink is his boss. This year.

If you’re important enough to the future of your Scorpio employee, you too can be a Mr. Fink. It’s on a par with being immune to nuclear power, but I don’t think you should let it turn your head to the place where you get over-confident. If I were you, I’d keep incidents like the foregoing at the absolute minimum. But I’m glad I’m not you. I’m not sure I would have the nerve to play Russian roulette with Pluto.

You can expect the Scorpio man or woman to accept the inevitable with grace, if the stakes are high enough. He (or she) will check out the potential with an eagle eye, figure the consequences, mark the possible reward, and make the final decision to submit with a cool head and a definite purpose in mind. Most bosses appreciate and ad­mire the Scorpio philosophy. He knows the price of suc­cess, and he’s willing to pay it without asking for special concessions. When that success arrives, however, don’t forget: it’s half-time-change sides.

Compared to the attitude of the average worker, you’ll discover there’s another quality to admire in your Scorpio employee. It’s an old-fashioned word, spelled l-o-y-a-l-t-y, rather a rare commodity these days. I’m not talking about lip service to your position as “boss” or the ingratiating, often hypocritical servility of the normal ambitious em­ployee. Scorpios have their own sense of loyalty.

When I was with a radio station in a small town in Penn­sylvania, I was permanently impressed with the remark of a Scorpio program director. The owner of the radio station was the meanest man in town. He was a cross be­tween Scrooge and Captain Hook. About the nicest thing you could say about him was that at times he was meaner than he was at other times. He had one friend-his mother. Since he owned half the town, in addition to the station, he was smothered with respect and obedience. Although the Staff called him “Sir,” smiled from ear to ear when he entered a room, and jumped to immediate attention every time he mumbled the slightest request, they made faces at him when his back was turned, and snickered privately at his, funny bow ties and squeaky voice. They would have considered his funeral an occasion for a holiday, and the favorite game around the office when he was out of town was writing his obituary, with a prize for the most hilarious one.

The Scorpio employee never joined the game. He was always too busy with his programming. One day, a secre­tary asked him why he never contributed to the office hobby. He gave her one of those hypnotic Scorpio stares and said, simply, “He pays my salary. I work for him.”

“What’s that got to do with it?” she wanted to know. “He yells at you in front of the staff every morning and he hasn’t given you a vacation for two years. He never pays you a compliment. Don’t you have any pride?”

The Scorpio never changed his expression. “I can’t de­posit compliments at the bank,” he said quietly. “I prefer cash.”

“But why do you take the way he treats you?” she per­sisted.

His answer was brief. “When I take a man’s money, I take his orders. When I decide to stop taking his orders, I stop taking his money and leave.”

These workers are intense and tenacious. They’re quite serious about their careers, and they never lose sight of the goal. Scorpios can be stubborn, rebellious, passionate and overbearing. But you won’t often find them wasting office time by writing humorous obituaries. Death is a serious subject to them. So are you. You’re the bridge to power, consequently, you’re respected, until the Scorpio has safely passed across the stream to the other side. Smart strategists don’t destroy bridges, and Scorpios are smart. Some of them are brilliant. All of them are shrewd and logical. You’ll often find Scorpio men and women gravitating to work that involves solving mysteries and penetrating the puzzles of life, machines, facts or human beings. Lots of them are detectives, psychiatrists, scientists, surgeons, policemen, researchers, reporters and even undertakers. They must increase their knowledge each day they live, at the same rate they increase talents, abilities and incomes.

Never pry into Scorpio’s private affairs. He will not tolerate that. If he likes you and his job, he’ll be generous and fair. Hell give you eight hours work for eight hours pay, and he won’t watch the clock if the project holds his interest. But remember that he will always be firmly com­mitted to his own code and ideas. He will be true to them above all other loyalties, including love and ambition. No one but himself can force him to alter his views and opinions. It has to be done through Pluto power, from in­side his own nature. If his decision is negative, no one on the face of this earth can slam the door more suddenly or more permanently than a Scorpio, even a door bearing the title Vice-President in gold-leaf letters. He’ll take just so much, pay just so high a price. When he thinks the cost is too much, he leaves. That’s the way he plays the game. His real loyalty, when all is said and done, is to himself. That’s not always as selfish as it sounds. When he was very young, his favorite verse began: “This above all: to thine own self be true.” He’s always figured-if he does that- he can’t be false to anyone.

Linda Goodman