When you wake in the morning, the naughtinesses and evil passions with which you went to bed have been folded up small and placed at the bottom of your mind; and on the top, beautifully aired, are spread out your prettier thoughts, ready for you to put on.
That’s the way all Virgos really prefer to wake in the morning – greeting the virginal dawn’s promise of a day of peace, loveliness, and perfection. Too bad most of them don’t.
The majority of them climb grumpily out on the wrong side of the bed and slump into the kitchen, groping for their prune juice. (Nature’s remedies, you see, are always best for aiding regularity. There’s always the danger that laxatives might be habit forming, which could lead to a serious dependency.)
Unfortunately, the negative thoughts and nagging worries two Virgos care-fully fold and place at the bottom of their minds with pure intent the night before, have a way of popping right back up to say Boo! to them next morning, getting tangled with their prettier, positive thoughts for each other ….. perhaps because they weren’t folded quite small enough, or perhaps because both Virgos are reluctant to close the drawer on trouble, preferring to leave it open just a crack, so they can peek in periodically and count the exact number of their current crop of problems. Virgos treat their problems like they treat their house plants – with constant, dutiful attention, never forgetting to water them, the latter with distilled H20, the former with distilled tears. Naturally, given such tender, loving care, both will sprout quickly, grow profusely, and need frequent pruning. Now, if the reader will forgive me, I’m going to interrupt this analysis with a prayer, after which we’ll return to the subject, and please believe that I’m sorry if this seems rude. My prayer is addressed to St. Anthony, since I’ve found him to be a patient and compassionate, as well as reliable, intermediary between the Almighty and my insignificant needs – those not quite important enough to require a personal appointment with our co-Creators, Who surely have enough problems on Their hands without being burdened with mine more often than necessary.
St. Anthony is a humble, nonjudgmental soul, comfortingly unconcerned with whether my religious beliefs are astrological, Catholic, Mormon, Baptist, Christian Science, Judaic, or Zen. Actually, the babbling tower of religious dogma is beneath the notice of all saints, despite the attempt of churches to claim them exclusively by right of various forms of canonization – which dubious honor not a single one of them ever solicited. But I am digressing, an easy habit to fall into when one is overanxious to analyze every teeny-tiny nuance of the most casual, innocent statement. The Virgo critique charisma is contagious.
Dear St. Anthony…..
You know how often over the years you’ve graciously interceded for me when my Aries carelessness caused me to lose valuable things -like money, poise, patience, and people I love. And each time you’ve come through for me, by pulling off a major or minor miracle, depending on the magnitude of my loss. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask for your help again. You see, I want this book to be widely read so people will understand more about how to love one another through astrology, both by recognizing their own failings and sympathizing with the different, but equally ingrained, bad habits of others – and it would be just awful if it were banned (if it was banned? No. If it were banned) by Virgos. That’s even worse than being banned in Boston, because Virgos make up more than one-twelfth of the entire reading public. (There are more Mutable Sun Signs born than others.) And that’s not all. You may not know this, but I strongly suspect the word is already out, over in Rome, that this is an astrology book, which automatically means all Catholics might have to confess and be forgiven for their sin, even if they only peek at a friend’s copy – despite the clear endorsement of astrology by their own Thomas Aquinas, who was canonized even, if you please! You can see what a disaster it would be if both the Catholics and Virgos should create a double-ban of the book. Not only that, it’s also likely to appear on the squeaky-clean Mormon No No list of Naughty-Naughties, which would mean a triple-ban (counting the Catholics and the Virgins). So, do you suppose you could somehow protect this particular chapter of my book from any misspellings, inaccurate punctuation, imperfect grammar, or other Gross Goofs which might offend Virgos?
The thing is, Tony, that I have no idea what the printer’s Sun Sign will be.
Of course, I could get lucky, and he’ll be a Virgo. But just imagine if he should be an Aries! Could you maybe nudge him a little when he’s setting the type if he seems to be about to miss a comma, or a period, or get the page numbers reversed, stuff like that? You just wouldn’t believe the stacks of mail I get from Virgos, criticizing a couple of author’s mistakes and printer’s typos in my first book, Sun Signs, and it’s given me a complex. So I respectfully beseech you to guide both me and the printer of unknown Sun Sign origin in making these pages absolutely flawless.
Anyway, I do appreciate your taking the trouble, and apologize for interrupting you, since I realize how busy you are. I’m sure that making miracles is even more time-consuming than praying for them. By the way, thank you for helping me find the billfold, St. Francis of Assisi medal, address book, new box of typewriter ribbons, sweater and Social Security card I lost last week. Say hello to Francesco for me, and please don’t bother God or Ms. God with this request. I’m sure you can handle it.
To the Reader: Thank you for your kind patience. Now, we’ll get right along with the analysis of the VIRGO-VIRGO relationship. But first let me say to any Virgos reading this chapter – and to any Sun Sign people with the Moon or Ascendent in VIRAGO, that if my prayer is, perchance, not completely answered, one hundred percent, it could be some sort of subtle message from the Universe that Godd isn’t as interested in how we spell His name, as in the love and tolerance and forgiveness we show toward one another’s goofs and mistakes. You know what I mean?
It’s a good and necessary thing for language to be spoken, written, and printed in its most correct form, whenever possible, to avoid misunderstandings in human communication, which is difficult enough at best. Nevertheless, the kindness to overlook the unintentional mistakes of others is also a good and necessary thing. It is, in fact, as St. Exupery’s Little Prince would say, a matter of great consequence.
Two Virgos who are associated as friends, business associates, relatives, or lovers are often compelled to measure one another’s every emotion, action, and response – to spell out every opinion and reaction, using the unabridged dictionary of their own or society’s preconceived standards of perfection. And that’s a terrible waste of time, which could better be spent flying kites, making snowmen … installing waterless toilets to save our streams and rivers and oceans from final extinction and pollution … rescuing kitties and puppies and baby monkeys from Washington’s HEW-funded vivisectionists, who torture them so cruelly … running with the wind in your hair … wading in a rippling brook … or weaving dreams, which are the true realities. Someone needs to point out gently to Virgos (and a fair scattering of Librans too) that logic isn’t the god it appears to be, for logic implies a dangerous fallacy: the assumption that what never has been can therefore never be – and the converse assumption – that what has always been therefore must always be. The word “therefore” is the tool of logic that can put even the most alert player behind in a cosmic anagram game of enlightenment. Not always, but frequently, the word “therefore” is a warning signal to an open mind that someone is about to snap it shut, lock it, and throwaway the key – of truth. Nothing in man’s and woman’s foggy comprehension of reality is more in error than such blanket assumptions of half blind logic, born of the fallacies of preconditioned thinking. Such unquestioning acceptance makes us all vulnerable to the madmen whose goal it is to control the individual human mind (and eventually the masses) through various forms of drugs and hypnosis – and subliminal messages flashed on television, too swift for the human eye to see, but not too swift to seed into the subconscious.
Although the Virgo essence will help us all keep a watchful eye out for such dangers, this same Virgo virtue can be used via the negative side of its coin. Virgos undeniably possess excellent qualifications for both scientific and metaphysical research, but they’re sometimes inclined to trip and fall into the trap of the occasional misuse of the word “therefore,” thereby losing their chance to experience the soaring freedom of discovering their own awesome creative consciousness – the deeper Truth, unrelated to logic (in its present, misleading state of interpretation) that they can be, if they choose, co-creators with Good. (NOTE TO PRINTER: Actually, I meant that last word to be God, instead of Good, but please typeset it as it is, since the meaning is identical. Thank you kindly.) Sometimes, a mistake can be very helpful. If only Virgos realized that.
There are, of course, some Virgos who’ve become free souls, entering into a variety of fields with bright-eyed perception. They’ve learned to close the drawer on their insignificant worries, ignore their temporary troubles, and keep their sights on the dawn of the New Age. By combining their splendid talents for discrimination within the wider, wind-swept spaces of two open minds, these Virgos can tune-in together to the ever-more-insistent, thunderous call of their true ruling planet, Vulcan, which will soon be located and identified, orbiting near the Sun and Mercury. In fact, Vulcan’s discovery is so near “in Time,” there’s already been a partial release of its powerful magnetic influences throughout the cosmos. These invisible, but potent, vibrations are increasingly affecting all Earthlings – but are especially stirring strange and sometimes disturbing reactions in Virgos themselves. Many of them will need time to learn how to handle the new energy, but some, as just mentioned, have already adjusted to the higher frequency, and are utilizing it, even now, with amazing results, in their personal and emotional lives, as well as in their careers.
As long as we’re playing anagrams, the word “vulcanize” derives its meaning from the planet Vulcan, as a process which subjects rubber (and people) to sulphurous treatment and extreme heat, resulting in both greater strengthand more elasticity. And so, you see, it’s due to the mysterious influence of their own true ruling planet that two Virgos in every kind of association or relationship together are experiencing this temporarily upsetting, but eventually rejuvenative, vulcanizing process within themselves. Gradually, they’ll find it will reveal to them that they possess a formerly unsuspected strength (of purpose), along with more elasticity (of viewpoint), which will be visibly reflected in less uptight behavior, and fewer self-critical urges.
It’s an interesting fact that some aspects of the planet Vulcan’s new vibrations also will soon be (and already are) causing, not Virgos alone, but certain people of all twelve Sun Signs to experience a subtle cell regeneration, which will eventually lead to making chronological age impossible to detect – the degree of their experience depending on the still-unknown (because as yet not astronomically calculated) position of Vulcan in their birth horoscopes. This is a process similar to the alchemical techniques miracled by the Alchemist Adept known to metaphysicians as the Count de St. Germain (only one of his multiple identities), who, according to eighteenth-century historians, rejuvenated particular ladies of the French court, some of whom, at a chronological age of over eighty, were sufficiently young and beautiful in appearance to have men in their late teens and twenties fighting duels for their favors.
Whether St. Germain’s alchemy-magic or Vulcan’s new vibrations, there are many roads to Rome, many wonders about to burst upon us in this dawning Aquarian Age – assuming we quickly decide not to annihilate ourselves through nuclear and ecological insanity. “New” planets (which are not new at all, but have been discovered, identified, and rediscovered after each major Earth cataclysm) are always “discovered” right on schedule, synchronized to the timetable of a long-ago chosen Free Will evolvement of mankind and womankind into the spiritual maturity to accept these powerful, preordained influences. Before such “discovery” at such destined time, their vibrations are muted, partially and temporarily controlled.
When two Virgos get together, however little or much one or either of them might be influenced by Vulcan’s new vibes, they worry a lot. Yet, most of their worries are “much ado about nothing.” (Thank you, Will Shakespeare, for the line. The Bard, by the way, was another of the multiple identities of the Count de St. Germain.) If they think about it, they’ll realize they spend too much precious time in nonproductive and counterproductive worrying.
The alarm didn’t go off; causing one of them to be late for an appointment or (heaven forbid!) for work. Whose fault was the resulting inexcusable tardiness, and unforgivable lack of punctuality? It has to be someone’s fault, doesn’t it? No, it does not. It can just as easily be no one’s fault. An expensive china lamp gets broken, an important letter wasn’t mailed, a checking account is overdrawn, the car fender gets scraped, the front-door key is lost, the zinnias didn’t get potted – but one of the Virgos did! – the dentist’s bill wasn’t paid, the eat’s tail is caught in the garbage disposal, the philodendron is drooping – who forgot to water it? Who broke the lamp, lost the key, scrambled the bank book, totaled the car, burned the toast, and – oh, WHO CARES!? Virgo does, believe me.
Reluctant to blame the other one completely (at least inwardly), each Virgo often stands self-accused, self-subjected to a harsh verdict of: GUILTY AS CHARGED. Then comes the stiff, self-imposed sentence – emotional blockage, consisting of suppressed resentment, tense anxiety, plus the hair shirt of excessive atonement, and self-chastisement – with time off for good behavior, or rather, for perfect behavior in the future, which Virgos can’t seem to comprehend is humanly impossible at all times. To continue to strive for it is fine, but to consistently demand it from oneself and from others is futile. . . . .as well as emotionally exhausting and energy depleting.
The most difficult problem two Virgos face, always magnified in their 1-1 Sun Sign Pattern association, may be summed up in one word: elimination. Not only is this a scatalogical symptom, creating discomforts ranging from simple constipation to serious intestinal complaints, it can also manifest as the equally uncomfortable emotional blockage mentioned in the previous paragraph. The simple remedy in the latter instance is an honest realization of the need to eliminate – to purge the mind and heart of foolish feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and frustration over a temporary inability to change a situation which is less than perfectly desirable, as swiftly and methodically as impatient Mercury demands. (But there’s hope! Mercury won’t long influence the Virgins, for Vulcan will soon be demanding Mercury’s abdication, and sending him back to play mind games with Gemini, where he belongs.)
As with all 1-1 Sun Sign vibrational pairs, Virgo and Virgo have much in common – sometimes too much – but empathizing as they do with one another’s mutual viewpoints and hangups, there’s no reason why they can’t try to enjoy, rather than destroy, each other. It will help if their Moon Signs and/or Ascendents are compatible. It will also help if they both relax and take the disappointments of life’s little snarls and tangles more casually, with a grain of salt and a pinch of humor – not judging themselves or others so compulsively, leaving the more complex analyzing to precisely programmed robots and computers, which are not as susceptible to the tummy aches of tension.
Virgos might well profit from the example of the saints, since they have such a thing about perfection, and the saints, supposedly, have managed to come about as near to that ideal state as is humanly possible in a flesh body. I mean, like – nothing ever really rattles a saint.
I’m on very close terms with both St. Anthony and St. Francis of Assisi (especially Francesco), through whom I learned, firsthand, of the reaction of St. Christopher (by tradition the protector of travelers) when he first heard the news about the Vatican (Printer: lowercase v, please) withdrawing his former canonization as a saint. Although his angelic demotion and dishonorable dis-charge considerably shook up millions of his loyal friends down here on Earth, creating lots of fussing and fretting, and heated religious controversy, “Chris” had a large chuckle over the entire affair. He wasn’t the least bit broken up over losing his formal saint status, for the simple reason that he never knew they’d made him one in the first place.
To him, it was all a tempest in a tea cup. He just goes right on about his business of miracles and unselfish service to others, with or without the Vatican’s canonized stamp of approval. Tony and Francesco (of Assisi) tell me that Christopher’s sense of humor is still intact, that he’s as completely nonjudgmental as ever, totally unaware of his own humility, and not worried in the slightest about whether the first letter of his boss’s various pronouns should be a capital or a lowercase letter – as in “thy will be done” as opposed to “Thy will be done.” I hereby move that all Virgins adopt St. Christopher as their official guru.
Is there a Virgo out there who will second the motion? There is? God! Then the subject is closed. I mean – Good. Then the subject is closed. We can vote later.
Love Signs by Linda Goodman